Saturday, April 8, 2017

2/4. iv

i had a chance with them alone at one of the few small buildings in the area.

"be very careful of them," they said.

i couldn't reply because i knew they were right, but i also cared about the other ones deeply.

"do you trust some of them or are you still treating this as a kind of simulated experience, a new category which your mind has yet to limit and name?

"make no mistake, this is real. the reality of it just barely reaches you."

i know. they carried me in their arms. i know their touch.

"i am struggling, in fact," i mananged to say. "earth does not feel the same, sometimes. but i guess we both changed."

"ah," they said, "indeed. it takes a little while to get used to all the snow. you still have your house, right?"

"i'm trying to keep it, yes. maintaining it."

"good. you have a good spine too. though be careful, as you may tend to forget."

i looked around. how could a place feel cold and cozy at the same time?

"you're a curiosity, you adapt to everything but it takes you longer than the average. you can break any door, cut down any tree as soon as it's needed, to start forming a path. now the path itself... you have ghosts and that's okay. you use them."

i was silent again. i had no idea if they were right. i kept looking at the place and consciously feeling the strange warmth.

i remembered their warm hands.

everything had become ambiguous, the two sides of every coin more obvious.

i remembered the summer, where there was only the sun.

"i do have ghosts. that is why i'm careful. but i want then gone so sometimes i'm not." i paused and added, "i know i'm small and it's hard to carry all."

i closed my eyes and i could feel the others, waiting, patiently.

"come see us any time," they said. "go home any time."