Saturday, January 31, 2009

no sé para qué, si no les importa.

"is there anything else you can give me?
because i've never been here.
and now that i look into your eyes,
you don't see the difference."

i build and build and reaching up
my arms cannot reach anything.

give me something, anything
why is it bleak and barren,

don't i deserve the world after building building building?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

it's getting louder in my mind.
i can see your lips moving but you're so far away,
so far away.
i've learnt to block you off and out.
i am not here.
you can't see me.

don't scream at me,
don't scream.
there's already something taking over in my head.
there's nothing you can do,
for yourself or for me.
don't scream.

the world spins and i'm only standing here,
somewhere, anywhere,
quiet and motionless.
the world is spinning and my open arms can't touch
can't touch anything.

tomorrow i'll fly.
asphyxiate and fly.


down the stairs to the door.
erasing what i had written on the walls
and telling the story all over again.

talk to me, they talk to me.
if you can't see through my eyes then you can't stay to watch.

all the doors are closed.
see through, see through.
i'm not searching. i'm not even tired.
i see my shadow run across the room
then come back.
go and then come back.

i'm standing here,
nowhere. don't scream.

quiet. they're searching,
and i'm not even tired.

fall to the floor.
my shadow is running.
but i'm
about to
sink through.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

terminé mi cuaderno número 10.

[28 08 08]

escribir canciones,
escucharlas camino a casa,

smux remembers johnny and cat,
and all the boys who came then went away
smux remembers every move, every note
every word
coming from their lips as liquid fire
every sound, every breath
every bed and every car.
we could be on the ride again.
he's going to run with his eyes closed
until he finds home again
and gets lost like everytime they were together.

[15 10 08]

no puedo dejar de pensar en vos, en mí, y en todo lo que está mal.
ayer dije: "...but i can't stop the love, the hate and the shame."
i love you.
i hate us.
i'm ashamed of almost everything i am.
and i love the other part.
but i always hide what i love,
so would you come and find it?

(tantas historias que casi nunca fueron casi nada.
tantos años, a veces es como si nunca hubieran pasado.
y a veces parecen ser toda mi vida.)

[22 10 08]

abrazar algo, todo esto,
lo que sólo yo puedo ver y tener,

y morir mañana antes de despertar.

[12 12 08 ~]

tu voz está tan lejos, y yo estoy tan cerca de lo que nunca tendré.
i need a punch in the face and a tear in my eye.
no puedo dejarlo escapar como ellos me dejaron morir.
i'm just waiting for the call, for another sunday morning
that brings me back to anything that stabs me in the heart.

[18 12 08]

just feeling warm,
light and with a clear view
and with no much need.

i'm coming back again,
i'm screaming i'm fine and then i'm not
but i'm coming back again,
i breath slowly sometimes and close my eyes
and everything is here
with me,

and then
the usual change of perspective,
everything's too overwhelming
i'm going down again,
then calming down

but it's still breaking me,
i'm coming back again
to what i've always been

everything's a mess in my head,
the good is bad and the bad is good
and everything just breaks me,

i need to remember
that this is what keeps me alive.

[hours later]

"i'm busy finding myself. please leave a note."

[hours later]

me dan miedo los instantes porque dentro mío
todo dura más de lo que puedo soportar.
tengo miedo de jugar al teléfono descompuesto conmigo misma (?),

al final
como en todo
tengo miedo de equivocarme.

[15 01 09]

i do fall in love, but only if it's completely impossible.

[17 01 09]

you've built your walls and i've built mine,
so how about we break them and fight on the same side?

side note: el tiempo lo cura todo, pensé, menos la verdad.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

some of you know me better than the ones who are supposed to-

there's no telling what we'll do for ourselves,
forget about the rest.

this isn't what i had in mind,
i can't forget the feeling;
things are not always what they seem,
this place confuses me.

i need space.

love me and fear me,
do as i say
and i will be your slave.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

inside the house is probably colder than outside,

we're staring at each other
through the window.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

"just enough so you can't die,
just enough so you can't dieee."

we got together to play one last time, like big old bands do.

maybe you should leave this town, said one of the boys to me.

but i can't. ry is here.
and he won't leave with me even if i'm suffocating every night in my sleep.

Friday, January 2, 2009

this is where my heart is, longs to be
hurting you, needing you.
this is where i always want to be,

menos mal que otro lo dijo antes que yo. (?)

buscas para, apenas ausente, sentir contigo el camino.