Saturday, September 17, 2016

[2008 05 22]

tener tiempo
para odiar todo esto,
para recordar
que siempre estuvo aquí

para cambiarlo
(run until you realize
you're lying on the floor
you crawl and though your eyes are open
you're blind)
para elegir cómo quiero mentirme,
qué parte de la historia
quiero repetir

Sunday, March 13, 2016

is this it
have i found my winterhome,
home is winter autumn snow,
crunchy leaves and greyish cold

did all of those hours turn time around
ah but words stain my tarnished windows
home's not cozy home's not open home's not

did all of those years just fall in the background
a long walking distance
winterboots, snowy grass, not many paths
winterwoods, snowy earth, like in the past

what day is it today
and also first of a cycle
and also third of a series
did the train stop here again or it is just too close

maybe i spent so much time now there isn't any left
but i guess i'm already leaving because it remembers to come back
and pull you out/in

as a side note, there was him in my dream
i made him such big part of me that i cannot make him leave
i don't miss him, do i
i don't mind either way, but last night
he was just playing a part of me

yes, i could still see you in my home
another one but a winter one
i don't mind, i understand
and walking here there's no you

guess i'm leaving, i hear the sea
but some things i don't forget
and i know my place in the woods
i know winterland without time
i know how it hurts and i know why
a snowheart

Monday, February 22, 2016

[3 8 2009]

there was something else, not waiting for me.

something was being denied to me.
kept away.
and i was forgetting myself too.


Thursday, January 14, 2016

/// cuaderno 23 ///

[1 12 2014]

wanting to be heard
but failing to produce a melody that would make the ice melt
he kept walking
imitating the sounds of nature
putting them together to form songs
but only for a moment a few notes felt like a warm light around him
then it was gone
and at night he tried to talk to the moon
but she said you've been silent for a long time,
you dont't speak my language as fluently
so he slept thinking of the future and the past
knowing that the present is a long time
in which he wouldn't recognize the day or the night
or the places where he went
he wouldn't call them home


[9 12 2014]

you were here today
i had more words than feelings

i feel things when it's too late
i feel your presence when there's only a gleam left


[13 12 2014]

How To Destroy Yourself:
Just let the world do its work


[20 1 2015]

And the next day it was cold. It was the weirdest Monday, and the next day it was cold, in the middle of January. And at night while I was walking to my siblings’ apartment I thought, “You can also learn to love.”


[4 4 2015]

there's nothing i want to do except love someone so much i forget it has no meaning


[30 4 2015]

is there good poison?


can you learn something by getting worse?


[8 6 2015]

I'm keeping my eyes open
I'm letting the needles I feel trace & teach me new words
I'm letting the space
build new shapes
new sillhouettes for the things that I know
(that I think I know)

i'm using distance as a way to keep you near
to embrace you and make sure i don't forget you

i'm letting shadows speak and taking every hit
i feel so close to the door but i'm not letting me go
before exploring this place first


[10 10 2015] [it must be 2015...]

oh please come back to me
i have new presents
i have glimmering flames

oh please come back to me
reassure me of permanence
of identity, of chapters

remind me of old blue caves
glass castles and raincloud rides
ah the smell of stories among trees


[15 12 2015]

soy incapaz de abrir espacios
¡de correr las cortinas!
de vaciar habitaciones.

iría a la costanera,
bajaría a la playa,
me sentaría sobre las piedras,
mirando el lago
para encontrarte

pero aunque te dijera
que nada de lo que viste era cierto
ya somos quienes somos
y quienes fuimos

no podemos des-conocernos

te mostraría, eso sí
los tesoros que yo guardo
mi textura

pero ya es tan tarde
siempre oscurece aquí
y soy incapaz
de afrontar los mediodías

los días siguientes
vienen como olas hacia mí
grandes, fuertes
'fight or flight'?
well i do both

y luego intento
describir las contradicciones
pero soy incapaz
de trazar ciertos límites

caminaría hasta tu casa
un día de verano
para decirte
que todo el resto era mentira

pondría carteles por todas partes
anunciando mis hazañas
mis texturas

pero es medianoche ya,
y no sé qué día es
sólo sé de las olas
y las estrellas que me miran


por aire que no conseguiré
que no buscaré

por tesoros, por texturas de otros
aire que no conseguiré,
que no buscaré

por no poder decir
por la vergüenza de gritar
porque soy incapaz
de abrir las cortinas

y de entender mañanas
y ayeres