Monday, August 21, 2017

[17/8] a

im so sorry
my feelings let you down again
ive been walking around the city for days
trying to find a new perspective,
to see it like them,
but i fall back to the same spot in my house suddenly
i close my eyes and as they open i feel
unable to move again
ive been making plans for days
looking at maps, trying to forget the maps
ive been trying to run without running
but you've met me at the same spot again,
im so sorry

[20/8] b

"that made sense at the time
but now i...
you know, after spending some time somewhere else..."

the sky was cloudy and it seemed like the grey could enter the room. everything had less colour than before.

after a couple of hours, cup of tea in my hands
i looked out the window, and with a little sigh i said
"nevermind. my words stay true."

Wednesday, July 12, 2017


oh baby i don't wanna talk
my day's been gone like any other day
i've been trying to find the answers i don't want to try to find

i've been living alone
and you,
have you been living alone?

oh baby i don't want to teach you lessons
i know we've been doing fine,
why do we lose our minds?
why do i think i lost my mind?

baby i just want to feel your arms
while i look into your eyes

oh i, i don't wanna talk
we'll see tomorrow, we'll see how this all feels
we'll go on walking and saying how've you been
stepping on ice and then i'll look into your eyes

oh i believe you, but i don't wanna talk
it's (be)coming clearer but still there's a long road
and everything i thought would end
is becoming clearer in my head
and i know that you, too, understand

but that is too many words,
i just wanna say i'll hold you close

tomorrow & always

Saturday, April 8, 2017

2/4. iv

i had a chance with them alone at one of the few small buildings in the area.

"be very careful of them," they said.

i couldn't reply because i knew they were right, but i also cared about the other ones deeply.

"do you trust some of them or are you still treating this as a kind of simulated experience, a new category which your mind has yet to limit and name?

"make no mistake, this is real. the reality of it just barely reaches you."

i know. they carried me in their arms. i know their touch.

"i am struggling, in fact," i mananged to say. "earth does not feel the same, sometimes. but i guess we both changed."

"ah," they said, "indeed. it takes a little while to get used to all the snow. you still have your house, right?"

"i'm trying to keep it, yes. maintaining it."

"good. you have a good spine too. though be careful, as you may tend to forget."

i looked around. how could a place feel cold and cozy at the same time?

"you're a curiosity, you adapt to everything but it takes you longer than the average. you can break any door, cut down any tree as soon as it's needed, to start forming a path. now the path itself... you have ghosts and that's okay. you use them."

i was silent again. i had no idea if they were right. i kept looking at the place and consciously feeling the strange warmth.

i remembered their warm hands.

everything had become ambiguous, the two sides of every coin more obvious.

i remembered the summer, where there was only the sun.

"i do have ghosts. that is why i'm careful. but i want then gone so sometimes i'm not." i paused and added, "i know i'm small and it's hard to carry all."

i closed my eyes and i could feel the others, waiting, patiently.

"come see us any time," they said. "go home any time."

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

25/3, ii

vienen todos marchando
de blanco entre la niebla blanca
gris, quizás
entre montañas, yo
giro y abro grandes los ojos
me sorprendo
ya vienen, todos
los espero con flores
con escarcha
con una sonrisa

me miran, dos o tres
me agarran de los brazos
me arrastran
donde empieza una montaña,
entre rocas
me miran en silencio

de blanco, como la nieve de afuera
ojos claros
manos tibias!

me ponen contra la pared
sólo se acercan
me miran
me sostienen

la niebla empieza a entrar
me sueltan
me dejan caer, me atajan

me esperan todos afuera
días, horas? meses?
sin moverse

me decido a salir y todos los brazos se extienden

me pasan uno por uno
en un baile eterno, sin espacio
escucho el roce constante de tela blanca

toda mi piel conoce sus manos

al final camino
y caminan
en silencio y desde entonces
adonde mire ellos están
entre la niebla, o abrazándome
camuflándse sólo lo justo en el silencio
entre mis manos
entre las montañas.

25/3, iii

the music's still in my head
and all the words
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry
this seems everlasting

but i've been this lost before,
this is just another room
of the same house (million houses)

and i refuse to live here,
imagining mirrors
scared or tired of unseen reflections

consider this another stop,
another walk maybe
that will (because it will! in the end)
add up to the stars
go up and
stay down, i guess

enjoy threading words
if anything
enjoy seeing it as it is, i guess
while i burst into flames (no burn)

i refuse...
if you want to watch me then watch me
all the way through
all of the hours, the countless hours

the crushing dreams etc

the songs are still in my head,
all the words
i'm so sorry
all the noise

are my feet cold?
are my hands warm?

enjoy being still,
if anything

see me create fire

something new, maybe
nothing old
watch something dissolve

i don't need to remember
any more
because i know

in the meantime it's all wrong, but i know

there's already something gone,
though my eyes close
something falls into place every second
though the rest crumbles

all the noise

there is something gone,
i can almost hear it
feels like a satin ribbon slipping through my hand

enjoy being still,
if anytning

a quiet melody, almost new
a quiet beat
i don't remember it but i know how it goes

i've been lost before
take in the view
say something true

Saturday, March 25, 2017

finally, (was i expecting this?)
we walk together at night
you're hiding your face, but it's okay
i can feel your hand

Sunday, February 12, 2017

[noviembre 2010]

el polvo que flota en la luz del sol
brilla más que la inmensidad de ella
y vale más
que lo que se desintegró