Monday, May 13, 2019

por qué reducir todo a sí
o no
reducir así
cada paso a escaleras
a barrancas

subir la estufa, calentar el café
siete mañanas preciosas
me esperan en algún lugar

(por qué un idioma o el otro
cuántas letras
si hay un ritmo)

por qué pensar tan adelante
chocarme, frenar de golpe
si todavía no salí
tantos pájaros y flores
veredas que pisar

por qué recubrir todo
"los recuerdos son así"
unen los puntos
forman la red


por qué mirar por sobre el hombro
solo se trataba
de no cerrar los ojos

por qué cantar sobre adioses
nada contradice tu voz
la luz del sol

Monday, April 1, 2019

sad sad sad sad
lonely for no reason
failed to put on a ribbon like a present
but i do treasure what needs to
how would the sunshine feel
oh someone told me
a reminder that i cant
but i want to treasure what i love
im all love, i know
do they know

another day
wake up get up enjoy
the little things
theyre not small sometimes and
i want to treasure what fills me
all love

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

you know why i cant write anything these days its because i try too hard to be normal

Saturday, January 26, 2019


i remembered my love for you
so simply
wish i had something to attach to it
but it is only that, and that
feels pretty weird
but i understand it

i want to be okay always
so that we can keep talking
about anything

Thursday, December 13, 2018

a common spell
a thread i cannot...

i saw you on the other side
the glass was cold but the drink was...
were you dancing
or was i just

i let go and i go
meet me there
i know you said yes
in a language i cannot...

oh we're always going through the motions
but today everything
went down
lights dimmed suddenly, too
but you got your own don't you
there's no room for...
in no time i
went up

meet me there

the ice was cold but the drink was...
and our harmony
tied us tight

this is it, right?

the candlelight was warm
but you were...
galaxies were cold
but they were here
filled the room

the waves were...
and i said the right words
the only spell
in a language i cannot

but if i try to explain
i get no answers

the drinks were on the floor
galaxies turned, they moved
but they were

everything quiets down
and our voices say...

but if i think of it
i get no answers
but i don't want them

there's a faint glow
no after
you've got your own don't you
and i do, too
i do too

Sunday, December 9, 2018

[? 2018]

something gentle
could it balance this somehow
bring some tangent
a soft ray of sunlight

if i could feel on my ankles
the water of the stream
how cold should it be

something gentle enough,
but also sharp enough
could it help balance this
be cold so i don't have to be

Thursday, December 6, 2018


hold me
i need to let go of this
for a little while
i'll close my eyes, hope that's okay
i might tremble, slightly
while i get used to the warmth in your hands

tell me it's okay to feel tired
is there a lot i can give to you
if... if there's fire in my soul but i'm this weak?
sometimes it feels i can't be there for myself
but i can be there for you

but then i remember
i am here, it's just
i can't be like them
is there still
something i can give you if
i have nothing of me
to show

tell me it's okay to be wrong
to lose against yourself sometimes

hold me, i need to stop trying
for a little while

how hard it is to explain
i don't want to feel this much,
i don't want to think this much

i want to be like you but it's too late

tell me it's okay to be angry
it's in my nature
i make mistakes, i regret things
it's okay
but i would regret less if i knew
it's okay

help me breathe
while i let go of this
for a little while

Saturday, October 20, 2018

i don't want to say 'i'm sorry'

Thursday, October 11, 2018

peach pink dawn
a streak does a wrapping twist around me
a traveler
carrying their home with them

invisible to the eyes of strangers,
amazing to some insiders
on the same journey
but she's a fire who knows the rain well
a ghost with a strong core

how luminous can you be
how long do stars stay alive
how much does the sun weigh
how much does the moon
give you back

dawn breaks
despite all ive done
mountains seem too high for me

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

"are you sure? if you go up there you can't do anything."

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Thursday, August 23, 2018

you know, when it sparks
even with your eyes closed
a few misteps-- but its there
hear your own voice
see your own memories
picture others', too
its on your fingertips
youre sure
this is how it was before
but then when you actually grab it
when youre ready to feel the rush
something pushes you aside, separates you from you
you wanna stay where you were but
it is fake now
and you feel nothing

lie down a while, keep on with your day
theres an aftertaste of unsureness
oh, dont spiral down again
how to compensate
how many holes do you keep in your heart
how much empty space
ah how to compensate
what to untie

it lights up again
but you know best
stay still
maybe you dont need your heart
or maybe it will figure itself out
at some point

such simple things
can make you spin

and you push you aside,
just a little bit
stay still
watch it go
how many holes
do you carry in your heart
well you dont know
youre just looking from a distance

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Sunday, July 22, 2018


i need to feel close
only, i dont know, a few million light years
feel we shine in the same sky
we shimmer in the same nights

meeting universes

Saturday, June 30, 2018


im tired of solving puzzles,
my whole life's been trying to see in the dark
to focus on passing landscapes
get in here, get out there

and this comes into mind again:
no one knows what i do best

if i get better why dont i
get better

all these years are with me, believe me
i am new but i am also me
whether you see it or not
and it's not a cage anymore,
but it is something only i know

every time i got up on my feet
i did so closing my eyes for a bit
telling myself if you dont look at the sun
then its ok
if you got the sun in you, no matter
whether you see it shine

every time i got up on my feet i
did so letting go of something
or locking up small treasures
i never left an imprint, never cared to use my voice
most things i built on nothing
and still, i built them

and still,
it's all gone now

every time i got up on my feet
i shrugged or frowned
i put a smile on my face
i said i always win
not one time did i find the time,
the place to feel at ease
i did it all by myself despite myself
i know it was the only way
and i made it

but you know,
it's all gone now

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

i want to write to everyone, Everyone, at least that i could do, though it wouldn't make sense, so i won't, but here i am.
i want her to know i've changed, i want him (oh i dreamed of him the other night, it was strange) to know ive changed. im sorry, im so sorry, i couldnt see you guys clearly, understand what you meant, i just drowned in loneliness, even if you were there for me, i wanted to see it but i couldnt, for the most part. i KNOW this is weird and whatevs but i was reading a book and now im thinking more or less the way the characters write, and think, and i needed this somewhere. (i dont know whats up with the long sentences though, that's not them, that's me, i think.)
i want to erase my past because i feel like there was a long time in which i couldn't change, i couldn't grow, i was just hurting everyone and hurting myself and i did try to get out of that but i didn't have any clarity, i believed in everything i saw (which weren't many different things, it was all tinted in me, me, me). and i knew i didn't have that clarity, at times, but i didn't let you know, i guess, and i dont know how you stayed with me when i was so mean, i was so mean! for no reason. i didnt mean to. but i felt misunderstood, as you do, and i couldnt find a way to blame myself, or rather, to understand that thats how it is, when you cant get out is hard for other people to get you out.
anyways, a late thank you, i know you know, but thank you, and im sorry. i know you know. just... i am.
i cant stand who i was, but the thing is, i dont understand who i am now, either. no, that's not it. i dont know who im supposed to be. where should i go, etc.
ive been trying not to hurt anyone, and i have succeded some times, but ive become more and more isolated, in a way. in many ways. i dont know. and i STILL dont know how to manage everything that happens to me, though there are a few new things (because ive been hurting myself... without realising it) (and maybe because the world has changed) (but anyway) - but! im still clueless about a certain kind of feelings, in fact these days i am uncertain of every kind of feeling, and i tell myself its okay because no one can see them, only me, but of course i cant go on like this because well, i cant go on.
the funny, and at the same time, the obvious thing, is that the emotions that damage me the most are the same as they used to be. theyre just assigned to different things - and not even, just parts of them. and the not funny part is i feel that theyre more true now, that they make more sense, in general. there's an undeniable truth. and yet! there isn't. what i mean is, i cant stop thinking how do people live knowing the world's like this? and i know that, well, in that case you should just accept it, girl, but i cant and its hard and. i have a point, right? (not really, i know.)
that wasn't what i wanted to talk about, was it?
so the funny thing that DOES have to do with was i was saying is that even after all this time im still confused about the SAME thing which is: i only need the thing i cant figure out. which is, of course... yes. so that's the thing(TM), and im sorry! and i made it even worse now because i think im so broken that i couldnt do you any good and it would be such a mess. (it would have been a mess anyway.)
hmmmm. there's something i'm not quite getting to say. im missing something. what is it? let me think.
i hate my past self so much that i want to be someone new, and i am, but i dont have room to build a new me because it's all filled with fear, so that's all i am now, pretty much empty except for the dread. and still i am glad, because i am better, this is better for everyone, even for me, but this has to go as well. it has to change. and do i believe it can change? yes, most days yes, but also most days, im scared it wont.
but ive changed guys, i see it now.
and to the others, i try, i try, i try. some of you i miss you every day. but i cant move sometimes, you know? i cant even move. imagine talking to you.
im so tired i cant even cry (actually, i have learnt to cry i think, this past two or three years. which is a good thing, maybe?). but i get up. i cant even move, but most days i do. and i see now what you did for me, and how there's no one like you anymore, and i wonder why that is. but i get up. i dont wear my loneliness as a silent trophy anymore, i just shrug and try to go on. try to talk to someone. there's no one like you, everyone hates the subject, and i hate to bring it up. im sorry, back then i couldnt tell you that i knew what you meant to me. and now i cant tell you that i understand that even more. ive gained that clarity, guys, i made it. i wanted you to know i did it.
so that's something. i wish i let you know back then.

Monday, August 21, 2017

[17/8] a

im so sorry
my feelings let you down again
ive been walking around the city for days
trying to find a new perspective,
to see it like them,
but i fall back to the same spot in my house suddenly
i close my eyes and as they open i feel
unable to move again
ive been making plans for days
looking at maps, trying to forget the maps
ive been trying to run without running
but you've met me at the same spot again,
im so sorry

[20/8] b

"that made sense at the time
but now i...
you know, after spending some time somewhere else..."

the sky was cloudy and it seemed like the grey could enter the room. everything had less colour than before.

after a couple of hours, cup of tea in my hands
i looked out the window, and with a little sigh i said
"nevermind. my words stay true."

Wednesday, July 12, 2017


oh baby i don't wanna talk
my day's been gone like any other day
i've been trying to find the answers i don't want to try to find

i've been living alone
and you,
have you been living alone?

oh baby i don't want to teach you lessons
i know we've been doing fine,
why do we lose our minds?
why do i think i lost my mind?

baby i just want to feel your arms
while i look into your eyes

oh i, i don't wanna talk
we'll see tomorrow, we'll see how this all feels
we'll go on walking and saying how've you been
stepping on ice and then i'll look into your eyes

oh i believe you, but i don't wanna talk
it's (be)coming clearer but still there's a long road
and everything i thought would end
is becoming clearer in my head
and i know that you, too, understand

but that is too many words,
i just wanna say i'll hold you close

tomorrow & always

Saturday, April 8, 2017

2/4. iv

i had a chance with them alone at one of the few small buildings in the area.

"be very careful of them," they said.

i couldn't reply because i knew they were right, but i also cared about the other ones deeply.

"do you trust some of them or are you still treating this as a kind of simulated experience, a new category which your mind has yet to limit and name?

"make no mistake, this is real. the reality of it just barely reaches you."

i know. they carried me in their arms. i know their touch.

"i am struggling, in fact," i mananged to say. "earth does not feel the same, sometimes. but i guess we both changed."

"ah," they said, "indeed. it takes a little while to get used to all the snow. you still have your house, right?"

"i'm trying to keep it, yes. maintaining it."

"good. you have a good spine too. though be careful, as you may tend to forget."

i looked around. how could a place feel cold and cozy at the same time?

"you're a curiosity, you adapt to everything but it takes you longer than the average. you can break any door, cut down any tree as soon as it's needed, to start forming a path. now the path itself... you have ghosts and that's okay. you use them."

i was silent again. i had no idea if they were right. i kept looking at the place and consciously feeling the strange warmth.

i remembered their warm hands.

everything had become ambiguous, the two sides of every coin more obvious.

i remembered the summer, where there was only the sun.

"i do have ghosts. that is why i'm careful. but i want then gone so sometimes i'm not." i paused and added, "i know i'm small and it's hard to carry all."

i closed my eyes and i could feel the others, waiting, patiently.

"come see us any time," they said. "go home any time."

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

25/3, ii

vienen todos marchando
de blanco entre la niebla blanca
gris, quizás
entre montañas, yo
giro y abro grandes los ojos
me sorprendo
ya vienen, todos
los espero con flores
con escarcha
con una sonrisa

me miran, dos o tres
me agarran de los brazos
me arrastran
donde empieza una montaña,
entre rocas
me miran en silencio

de blanco, como la nieve de afuera
ojos claros
manos tibias!

me ponen contra la pared
sólo se acercan
me miran
me sostienen

la niebla empieza a entrar
me sueltan
me dejan caer, me atajan

me esperan todos afuera
días, horas? meses?
sin moverse

me decido a salir y todos los brazos se extienden

me pasan uno por uno
en un baile eterno, sin espacio
escucho el roce constante de tela blanca

toda mi piel conoce sus manos

al final camino
y caminan
en silencio y desde entonces
adonde mire ellos están
entre la niebla, o abrazándome
camuflándse sólo lo justo en el silencio
entre mis manos
entre las montañas.

25/3, iii

the music's still in my head
and all the words
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry
this seems everlasting

but i've been this lost before,
this is just another room
of the same house (million houses)

and i refuse to live here,
imagining mirrors
scared or tired of unseen reflections

consider this another stop,
another walk maybe
that will (because it will! in the end)
add up to the stars
go up and
stay down, i guess

enjoy threading words
if anything
enjoy seeing it as it is, i guess
while i burst into flames (no burn)

i refuse...
if you want to watch me then watch me
all the way through
all of the hours, the countless hours

the crushing dreams etc

the songs are still in my head,
all the words
i'm so sorry
all the noise

are my feet cold?
are my hands warm?

enjoy being still,
if anything

see me create fire

something new, maybe
nothing old
watch something dissolve

i don't need to remember
any more
because i know

in the meantime it's all wrong, but i know

there's already something gone,
though my eyes close
something falls into place every second
though the rest crumbles

all the noise

there is something gone,
i can almost hear it
feels like a satin ribbon slipping through my hand

enjoy being still,
if anytning

a quiet melody, almost new
a quiet beat
i don't remember it but i know how it goes

i've been lost before
take in the view
say something true