Thursday, January 14, 2016

/// cuaderno 23 ///

[1 12 2014]

wanting to be heard
but failing to produce a melody that would make the ice melt
he kept walking
imitating the sounds of nature
putting them together to form songs
but only for a moment a few notes felt like a warm light around him
then it was gone
and at night he tried to talk to the moon
but she said you've been silent for a long time,
you dont't speak my language as fluently
so he slept thinking of the future and the past
knowing that the present is a long time
in which he wouldn't recognize the day or the night
or the places where he went
he wouldn't call them home


[9 12 2014]

you were here today
i had more words than feelings

i feel things when it's too late
i feel your presence when there's only a gleam left


[13 12 2014]

How To Destroy Yourself:
Just let the world do its work


[20 1 2015]

And the next day it was cold. It was the weirdest Monday, and the next day it was cold, in the middle of January. And at night while I was walking to my siblings’ apartment I thought, “You can also learn to love.”


[4 4 2015]

there's nothing i want to do except love someone so much i forget it has no meaning


[30 4 2015]

is there good poison?


can you learn something by getting worse?


[8 6 2015]

I'm keeping my eyes open
I'm letting the needles I feel trace & teach me new words
I'm letting the space
build new shapes
new sillhouettes for the things that I know
(that I think I know)

i'm using distance as a way to keep you near
to embrace you and make sure i don't forget you

i'm letting shadows speak and taking every hit
i feel so close to the door but i'm not letting me go
before exploring this place first


[10 10 2015] [it must be 2015...]

oh please come back to me
i have new presents
i have glimmering flames

oh please come back to me
reassure me of permanence
of identity, of chapters

remind me of old blue caves
glass castles and raincloud rides
ah the smell of stories among trees


[15 12 2015]

soy incapaz de abrir espacios
¡de correr las cortinas!
de vaciar habitaciones.

iría a la costanera,
bajaría a la playa,
me sentaría sobre las piedras,
mirando el lago
para encontrarte

pero aunque te dijera
que nada de lo que viste era cierto
ya somos quienes somos
y quienes fuimos

no podemos des-conocernos

te mostraría, eso sí
los tesoros que yo guardo
mi textura

pero ya es tan tarde
siempre oscurece aquí
y soy incapaz
de afrontar los mediodías

los días siguientes
vienen como olas hacia mí
grandes, fuertes
'fight or flight'?
well i do both

y luego intento
describir las contradicciones
pero soy incapaz
de trazar ciertos límites

caminaría hasta tu casa
un día de verano
para decirte
que todo el resto era mentira

pondría carteles por todas partes
anunciando mis hazañas
mis texturas

pero es medianoche ya,
y no sé qué día es
sólo sé de las olas
y las estrellas que me miran


por aire que no conseguiré
que no buscaré

por tesoros, por texturas de otros
aire que no conseguiré,
que no buscaré

por no poder decir
por la vergüenza de gritar
porque soy incapaz
de abrir las cortinas

y de entender mañanas
y ayeres