//
[april 29]
i wanna scream!
that i'm so far away!
and it doesn't actually hurt me it's just so....
ah wait it does hurt
what am i gonna do
and i know everyone is the same!
all of us who fall in love feel the same things.
it's crazy, by the way, how ive just come to realise this now
but in any case,
it hurts to want to hug you so, so hard
so, so much
all day and maybe all night
hold your hand
watch you smile
listen to you talk & sing
but mostly the hugs!!!
it hurts but i don't want to stop loving you,
oh, how funny
how obvious of me
ah, what am i gonna do
i mean i know what im gonna do but i still wanna complain
im so far away, in every sense!
and i know my love will reach you,
and it makes me smile a lot
you make me smile a lot
but the hugs....
but i hope you get them every day
as much as you can
as much as you want to
i will love you with all my strength,
and i will wish with all my strength
that someone close to you loves you in the same way
that you can love them so, so much
that they make you smile a lot
please remember that if it's important to you, then it's important
i don't know, just be happy, as much as you can
nothing matters more
wherever you are, i wish you with all my heart
a good day, a good night
//
[may 31] [nox]
what would i do if i could grow up?
she often thought about this.
she'd wear an armor. and a dress underneath.
she would love, for sure.
better yet, love wouldn't be the most important thing.
the scars wouldn't mean that much,
and neither would her past.
ah, if she wasn't stuck in time
how would past things matter
when there were new ones to experience.
but as she thought about this
she reflected, too, on the fact that she /had/ changed;
maybe some day in the next thousand years
someone would come for her, let her move on...
she remembered she had a soul,
and one that was, in a way, very old.
ah, i understand if my body can't grow.
because when i go, it'll make no difference:
i'll take so much with me, there's so much that i now know.
//
[june 5]
there's truly no art left
no flowers in this temple
finally the time has come,
when everything that'll be reborn is asleep
when everything that withers is gone with the wind
//
[june 6]
sometimes even i lose track of who I've become
and i fear some crucial part has been lost
i fear some part of the new is too much,
dont know if false or just a little bit heavy
//
[june 16]
esta inquietud llena de agujeros
me acuerdo de las hojas pasajeras, blancas
en las que rodaba y rodaba sin destino alguno
pero convencida, serena en el movimiento
ahora me encarcelo sin esperar nada
me trago la llave que sale en forma de espadas
por mis ojos y mis manos, suaves
me pierdo y me encuentro pero más me encuentro
pero con esta inquietud, llena de agujeros
un torrente de ilusiones me recuerda levantarme
y me mareo ante la mezcla de realidades
mis sueños son chiquitos, y grandes
los pinto en las nubes y el humo de las tardes
en los sahumerios de colores y las piedras más o [menos brillantes
recuerdo aquellos días,
cuando todo parecía importante
hoy pienso en los aromas, en las caritas de mis gatas
y aunque siento tantas heridas es posible que
[las espadas sean de todo corazón
y la suavidad, tal vez no
quiero decir, aun mejor:
el impulso aún existe y el amor aún existe
cortinas traslúcidas abrazan las mañanas
los espacios intermedios se extienden
y mis manos me cierran.
//
[june 20]
there used to be something
that i believed made me glow,
show my trrue form
a wave where i could find peace,
or would, eventually
there used to be some strings
around my neck,
which i believed would go away
or maybe, make me strong
i believed they made me
somewhat unique
but then i fell, and it wasn't my own fault
or maybe it was, but in any case
i was responding to a sudden shock
at some point i tripped over my own hopes
(...)
is the glow still there, i don't know
either way it just won't show
(...)
i know, i know
if i keep thinking about it it'll just hurt more
but it comes at me, it tightens something
i'm still bound to some foreign land
and none of my spells work,
and i don't think there's new ones
yet
//
[june 20]
there used to be something
that i believed made me glow,
show my trrue form
a wave where i could find peace,
or would, eventually
there used to be some strings
around my neck,
which i believed would go away
or maybe, make me strong
i believed they made me
somewhat unique
but then i fell, and it wasn't my own fault
or maybe it was, but in any case
i was responding to a sudden shock
at some point i tripped over my own hopes
(...)
is the glow still there, i don't know
either way it just won't show
(...)
i know, i know
if i keep thinking about it it'll just hurt more
but it comes at me, it tightens something
i'm still bound to some foreign land
and none of my spells work,
and i don't think there's new ones
yet
//
[july 16]
went too far and then came back
and that was the worst part
from here i could see how uneasy it had felt
how distant from my own self
but all i care about is flowers
pretty blossoms at the corners of the earth
sweet words and also a grain of salt
a rainy day among all the best
every night i look at the stars
say your name, wonder how can something
mean everything and nothing
should i just go back
but it doesn't matter where i am
and sadness already lives here, i am just a guest
but wherever i go
the sad parts feel most like home
and when i was out there,
surrounded by shimmering trees
that felt strong while they smiled at the birds
as much magic as i carry with me now
at times i felt there's no air
i came back but have i left again
who knows
after all it doesn't matter where i am
it's only about what i'm not
maybe that way light will grow
maybe i really can see the future
and there's a garden in jupiter,
where one flower's made of stone
every night i look at the stars and say
goodnight
hope we meet again tomorrow
in the middle of nowhere
