I - 2020 01 10

when it hurts i might not tell you
if i know it's only me
who might feel this way
i might not notice,
how much i need to get away
into my comfy space,
my warm night with dim lights
but it'll keep drizzling for days,
i'll try to remember the feeling
but i won't try too hard

i will hug my pillow and my songs
and just go on, go on
i will wait until the papercut is healed somehow





II - 2020 01 14

sleep a little,
stay in your shell

i find her so inspiring
because she came at the right time
i need to remember that is always how it works

if you go out can you take your shell with you?
just for today
it makes sense

that sense of security
i can't seem to get
i know it's within myself

the worst part is when i cannot /give/
when i feel the world is not for me
it doesn't let me heal,
i need time to feel

i know many of us are strangers
but why find a place
it sounds like an obvious question
but why find a place

i can create many presents
but for whom
i can be soft and understanding
but of whom
travel where, run my fingers through where
i just want to make it more mild still

i can give it all
but im left shaking
realising im alone
i can be better
but for whom
and i end up
making it milder still

and so it seems the solution is to just dissolve
forget, just float
fly carried by the breeze
just because

why do i feel like i struggle with words
if truth is no one's listening
and it's not right or wrong it's just how we move along
so just go on, go back home

i am asked to give it all
but to whom
i am asked ultimately
to remain empty

i cant stop the smiles coming
but i cant stop the pain
it's impossible to be nothing
and i can't be undone

i could always feel the water
but i am asked, dont mind the cold
and im left shaking
i just want to go home

i can create a million springs
but why would i
if it means leaving me colorless
pure autumn

i am told if you let go you let other things come
i even said it myself
but now im struggling cause i know
in the past that's never worked

i'll keep writing a million stories
cause i know they make me smile
but i can't stop wishing they brought me closer
to someone, something warm